Big Family Dad

An Ode to Moms Dear moms,  You get one day a year?! This is one of the most criminal things about our society. If we paid you proper homage, Mom's would hold higher esteem than pro sports players and movie stars.  You don't ask for the praise. You go about your daily sacrifices for their own sake, not for any recognition or appreciation. You grind. You toil. And we barely seem to take notice. Well I notice. The following is my small attempt at giving you the appreciation you deserve.  You Get No Credit The real reason you go unnoticed is because we take you for granted. We'd rather extol things like career success, political power and even follower counts, over you. Being a mom in this day and age has become a second-rate occupation. It is the furthest thing from glamourous, and it certainly won't get you invited to Career day at your kid's school. If I ask a room full of 2nd graders "what do you want to be when you grow up?" sadly, one of the last thing y...

One of the best things about having 13 kids is watching people's reactions when you tell them for the first time. The reactions range from a sincere "That's incredible!" to "DID YOU SAY 10?!? to "You need to learn to keep your legs shut" (that's a real quote) and everything in between.  Most people are kind, albeit surprised. But I've found if someone is going to be rude, it's going to be in the first few moments they find out- mostly as a visceral reaction, before they've had time to assess the social awkwardness their comment is going to cause.  Good thing Laura and I have heard it all! This happened to me a few weeks ago. I was with a group of people which included someone I'd never met before when my buddy introduced me as "This is my buddy Pelar, he's got 12 kids". (Thanks for the solid intro) "Wait... are you Serious", was the initial response. Followed quickly by... "Bro... don't you know how t...

"I love being a dad. It's like being a chef in a restaurant where all the patrons  are picky eaters and the menu changes every five minutes."  ~ Jim Gaffigan One of my favorite Laura quotes ever has to be "you people would be a lot easier to deal with if you didn't have to eat!" As much as I love to write about the great things about having a large family, it would be disingenuous to act as if it doesn't come with its logistical challenges. While I intend to shed light on these challenges in this forum over time, I thought I'd start with the one that we have to deal with every single day in the Esshaki house... Food.  It seems appropriate to start at the top... the grocery list.  Our grocery shopping habits have come a long way since we first got married. As newlyweds we would head to the store every night and buy our ingredients for that's night dinner off the "I'm about to expire" pile. We were broke, and it was fun to see what we...

"Children are the living messages we send to a time we will not see."  ~ John F. Kennedy There are a lot of questions we get when someone finds out we've got 12 kids.  "You know how that happens right?" "Are they all yours?" "What kind of car do you drive?" But the one we get asked most often is " Are you guys done?"   There may be no other question on earth where the gap in perception between the person asking and the person receiving the question is so large. For the person asking it, it seems like the most logical question ever. One that they've probably asked 100 times to a 100 couples after finding out they've had their 2nd or 3rd + kid. But as the receiver of the question, I must admit that it sounds like the craziest question ever. Are we done?! Dude, we have 12 kids?! You honestly think this was the plan? Hey babe, we just popped out baby #11, you know what that means... one more 'till we're done, per our arr...

"The bad news is, time flies. The good news is, you're the pilot" ~ Michael Altshuler We all wish we had more time. As the old saying goes, it's our most precious commodity. But how often do we really step back and evaluate what we're trading our time for?  A few weeks back I was in a rut. One of those cycles of long days at the office and short nights with the family. And I'd probably still be in that vicious cycle if it weren't for a bedroom chair with a bunch of sport coats hanging on it.  Let me explain.  Our youngest child, Augustine still sleeps in our room (our walk in closet to be exact) . On nights where I am late coming home, walking into his room to hang up my sport coat is off the table. I'm about as sneaky as a dump truck driving through a nitroglycerine plant (bonus points if you know the reference).   So on those nights, my sport coat is relegated to the back of a chair that sit's just outside the closet so I can hang it up the next ...

"The soul is healed by being with children" ~ Fyodor Dostoevsky When was the last time you held a newborn? If it's been a while, and you've been feeling anxious, burned out or even just a little down, make plans to do it soon. If there are no newborns around, a face smooshing hug from a 5-year-old should do the trick.  I recently read an amazing book -  Hannah's Children by Catherine Pakaluk. The book is comprised of a series of interviews with women who have 5 or more children, exploring why they made that decision. Beyond being a great read, I found myself constantly nodding along as I could relate to so many of the stories.  But there was one chapter in particular that touched me above all the others - it explored how children brought healing into their homes.  Unlike many of the other chapters, where I would read something, and it seemed to be verbatim something Laura and I would have said - this chapter was different. Going into the chapter, I don't think...