"I love being a dad. It's like being a chef in a restaurant where all the patrons
are picky eaters and the menu changes every five minutes."
~ Jim Gaffigan
One of my favorite Laura quotes ever has to be "you people would be a lot easier to deal with if you didn't have to eat!"
As much as I love to write about the great things about having a large family, it would be disingenuous to act as if it doesn't come with its logistical challenges. While I intend to shed light on these challenges in this forum over time, I thought I'd start with the one that we have to deal with every single day in the Esshaki house... Food.
It seems appropriate to start at the top... the grocery list.
Our grocery shopping habits have come a long way since we first got married. As newlyweds we would head to the store every night and buy our ingredients for that's night dinner off the "I'm about to expire" pile. We were broke, and it was fun to see what we could cobble together under $10. Lots of interesting (since retired) recipes were formed during those years.
When the babies started arriving, we weren't going to get diapers and formula at a decent price on those late night runs, so our Costco membership was born. This changed everything. We went from grocery shopping almost every day, to a monthly Costco trip and a weekly grocery store trip.
Over the years, those monthly Costco trips got a little more intense. What started with half a cart, has turned into a flat bed and push cart full to the brim. Without fail, some Costco employee ALWAYS hit's us with the "oh wow, you guys having a party?!"
We're intentional in what we fill those Costco carts with though. Typically it's a monthly trip, and we focus on the stuff that we can never have enough of. Paper plates (plates requiring a wash became untenable about 4 kids ago as we were doing 4-5 loads per day) garbage bags, paper towel, diapers, wipes, formula, toilet paper, snacks for the kids lunches, laundry detergent, chicken breasts, Ziploc bags and olives. I love olives. You can never have enough olives.
While I spend enough each year to pay the store managers salary, it's an order of magnitude cheaper than trying to buy all that stuff at the grocery store. And we always time our trip around lunch time so I can pickup two Costco pizzas, 4 hot dogs and 6 Churros. The only place in America that I can feed the entire family for under $40.
Then there's an entire ritual for getting it all from the car to the fridge / pantry / freezers. 24 hands can move groceries pretty efficiently, that is until my 2 year old decides to try and carry the giant glass jar of olives by himself... Poor olives. I love olives.
Cooking for fourteen people, three times a day gives me a great backup skillset in the event I ever lose my professional job. For breakfast I either go with a few crowd pleasers that I know everyone will eat (biscuits and gravy or French Toast) or I accept my fate as a short order cook. Omelets, pancakes, over easy eggs, bacon, toast... Laura writes the tickets, I pump out the orders. The secret is to use multiple mediums for cooking at the same time. Seldom does a breakfast get prepared without using the oven, stovetop, griddle and the blender. The kids love their smoothies as much as I love olives.
For a frame of reference on just how much food goes into a meal, our typical French Toast breakfast is about 2 loaves of bread and 24-30 eggs. Biscuits and gravy... 4 cans of biscuits. Pancakes... an entire box and 30 eggs scrambled. You get the gist.
Breakfast Pro-tip: Nutella.
Lunch is a little easier. Keep plenty of bread, sliced cheese and lunch meat stocked and sandwiches are the go to. There's always PB&J for those picky eaters. Giant bag of chips, some apples and grapes and viola! When we're feeling really fancy, we replace the bread with Ritz crackers, cut the cheese and meat into squares and boom! Homemade Lunchables.
Then there's Dinner. I must admit, while breakfast is kind of my thing, Laura has carte blanche over dinner. What that woman can do with a crock pot is nothing short of miraculous. This is where the kids get real picky, as there is almost no dinner meal that everyone likes (except taco casserole, potato soup and meatloaf). But no worries. In the Esshaki house, the rule is there is always cereal if you don't like what mom made for dinner.
Now, when the kids have been good and / or momma's a little worn out - We'll bite the bullet and take the kids out to a restaurant. Unlike most families though, we can't just pop into any restaurant and get a table. When the hostess asks "how many?" and you say 2 adults, 12 kids... you get some pretty strange looks. "Is this a school field trip?"
We've even been told "unfortunately we're unable to seat your party" (looking at you Chili's). While we're a pain for most restaurants, there are a few places that not only tolerate us, they get excited when we arrive. G's Pizzeria in Lake Orion has an entire section that's ours every time we show up, and they're all smiles as they take our order. And after mass on Sundays Lucas's Coney Island on Opdyke in Auburn Hills is a tiny spot that loves when we show up - re-arranging tables like crazy to make it work. And while we do our best to make it easy on the bus boys, a mess under the table is unavoidable, so the size of the tip is directly correlated with how big of a disaster we are leaving behind.
While we definitely have to be organized and at times even make some sacrifices (I miss the buffalo chicken sandwich at Chili's) we do what every family does - we find a way to make it work.
It's that journey and the traditions derived from it, more than the headcount, that I think makes our family so unique.
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