How We Decided to Have 13 Kids

One of the best things about having 13 kids is watching people's reactions when you tell them for the first time. The reactions range from a sincere "That's incredible!" to "DID YOU SAY 10?!? to "You need to learn to keep your legs shut" (that's a real quote) and everything in between. 

Most people are kind, albeit surprised. But I've found if someone is going to be rude, it's going to be in the first few moments they find out- mostly as a visceral reaction, before they've had time to assess the social awkwardness their comment is going to cause. 

Good thing Laura and I have heard it all!

This happened to me a few weeks ago. I was with a group of people which included someone I'd never met before when my buddy introduced me as "This is my buddy Pelar, he's got 12 kids". (Thanks for the solid intro)

"Wait... are you Serious", was the initial response. Followed quickly by... "Bro... don't you know how to use a condom?"

We all had a good laugh, and I was ready to move on with my day, but he persisted. "No seriously... why do you have 12 kids?"

While I'm used to, and have actually come to expect his first response, the persistence to understand was not as typical. When it does happen, I can typically diffuse the situation with a "What can I say, we love kids" type comment. That's usually enough to get a smile / shrug out of them and we move on. 

But not for this guy. 

"No seriously, I have to know. What would possess someone to have that many kids". He just kept going. As interesting as his persistence was, it was everyone else's reaction to his persistence that really caught me off guard. They were all starting at me... hoping I would answer. Then it hit me... they wanted to know too! 

Finally, I gave him the only honest answer I could think of... "Hey man, there's a lot that goes into a decision like that, and there's no way I can explain it to you in 2 sentences." 

That seemed to be enough for him... but I could sense the disappointment in him and the rest of the guys. 

 

But that experience has stuck with me ever since. So I figured with this forum, I could walk you all through it. 

Why would someone decide to have 13 kids... Here's why:

1 - We thought we couldn't have kids. 

A lot of people don't know, but early in our marriage, we tried to have kids, but nothing was happening. I'll spare the details, but based on some things going on with Laura's health, they told us there was a strong likelihood we wouldn't be able to conceive. I went from wanting 2 kids, to begging God for as many kids as he would give us if he would let us conceive. If you know someone who is struggling with infertility, they can back up this claim. We prayed to Saint Gerard daily. All I can say... if you pray

to Saint Gerard, be ready for him to exceed expectations!

2 - Our faith told us to be open to life. 

While Laura and I were always Sunday church goer's, we had a few profound moments early in our marriage that really strengthened our faith. As Catholics, we dove deep into church teaching, and we found joy in tenets of the faith that we had previously misunderstood and ignored. One of these was the importance of being open to life in your marriage. The joys this has brought to our marriage is immeasurable. We have the peace of knowing that every soul God wanted to bring into this world for Laura and I to raise, is here. When we look at our family photos, no one is missing. 

3 - As our family grew so did our blessings. 

The first thing people want to know when they hear I have 12 kids is what I do for work. There is an inherent belief that kids are a financial burden. While we do spend more on groceries than the average family, kids are expensive as you make them, and we always found a way to make it work. God also paved a way for us every time Laura told me she was pregnant. It wasn't always a straight line, but every time our family grew, so did our income. So consistently, that Laura and I don't even sweat it at this point. 

4- We realized that living life for others is a much better deal than living for ourselves. 

In high school, college and even our first few years of marriage, we lived pretty self-centered lives. When we had our first child, all that changed. Holding a totally helpless baby as a 23-year-old, knowing you're on the hook to protect and provide for her for the at least the next 18 years, can be scary. But as time went on, every sacrifice for that baby, turned 5-year-old turned 16-year-old has brought me much more joy than heartache. Something I think any parent can relate to. 

5- We give them life. 

This is the hardest one to explain but is also the strongest draw for us and probably the most profound. 

This is Augustine. 

He is the 12th baby born to an American family in 2023. Do you know the odds of being born in America to a family as the 12th child? It's not great... actually it's astronomical. So what did Augustine do to achieve this feat? 

Nothing... 

He had no say in the matter. 

Augustine was born into this world, where he will experience love, sorrow and joy - not because of anything he did. He will grow, get married, have children of his own, have a career and impact the lives of countless others. And he will do all this, not because of anything he did... rather for one reason and one reason only. Because Laura and I said "yes" to another child. Who are we to deprive Augustine (and his future brothers / sisters) of that chance. 

Oh yeah... say hi to Esshaki baby #13! He or She will be here in September. What a lucky kid!