Kids Heal

"The soul is healed by being with children"

~Fyodor Dostoevsky

When was the last time you held a newborn?

If it's been a while, and you've been feeling anxious, burned out or even just a little down, make plans to do it soon. If there are no newborns around, a face smooshing hug from a 5-year-old should do the trick. 

I recently read an amazing book - Hannah's Children by Catherine Pakaluk. The book is comprised of a series of interviews with women who have 5 or more children, exploring why they made that decision. Beyond being a great read, I found myself constantly nodding along as I could relate to so many of the stories. 

But there was one chapter in particular that touched me above all the others - it explored how children brought healing into their homes. 

Unlike many of the other chapters, where I would read something, and it seemed to be verbatim something Laura and I would have said - this chapter was different. Going into the chapter, I don't think I ever thought of our children as bringing healing into our family. Joy, chaos, laughter... in spades! But healing?

But as I thumbed through the pages, I found myself reflecting on story after story - realizing that they indeed had, I just never noticed. 

One particular story in the book referenced a man who had lost his dad and his job within a short period of time. He was devastated and wasn't exactly thrilled that his wife was eight months pregnant. But when the baby came - he couldn't put her down! Cradling the baby for hours each night. 

"That was supposed to be the worst time in his life... It was where God pulled the sheet from under him and said 'Wake up'. And he did". 

Reading this, I couldn't help but remember when we told my mom that we were pregnant with our first child, Madison. It was only 2 or 3 months after my dad had passed away suddenly. Mom was in a pretty dark place to say the least, but when we told her she'd be expecting her first grandbaby - she jumped higher than I had ever seen. Honestly, I didn't even know she could jump. 

                                        

For her, the healing from the sudden loss of her husband started that day. 

My mom isn't the only grandparent I've witnessed have their lives changed for the better when they reach that milestone. I can't tell you the number of conversations I've had with a grandparent that has told me that their grandchildren are the greatest thing to ever happen to them. In many cases these are people who were ever known to dote over their own children - but they would melt in the arms of their children's children. I'm sure a lot of that has to do with the change in perspective that comes along with a later stage in life, but I wonder if that's the whole story. 

Speaking from experience, I have felt an actual physical change in my body when holding one of my kids. It's no shocker to hear someone say they enjoy hugging their kids, but it wasn't until after I read Hannah's Children that I started to seek out one of my kids if I was feeling stressed, anxious or a little down in the dumps.  I happened to pick up the book after a long stressful day at work and as I flipped through story after story of these families experiencing healing in their homes because of a baby, I became curious. Luckily there's no shortage of babies around here, so I called my 4-year-old Julie over for a hug... and instantly I could feel my blood pressure drop. Whoa! It felt like a magic trick! A life hack! I learned to keep my eyes open for more of those moments, and in some cases, create them. 

For example, now when I get home from work, it's like a 60's TV show as I belt out "DADDY'S HOME!!" I can't describe the joy I feel just by hearing the sound of all those little feet running to greet me in the kitchen. How can you have a bad evening with a group hug like that?! 

A friend of mine, who just brought a newborn from the hospital, tells me his favorite part of the night is lying on the couch with that baby on his chest. It reminded me of another friend who used to call that Baby Ambien or Bambien for short. I've experienced that as well, but never thought about it.... until now. I see that's probably because of the calming effect and sense of peace a newborn on your chest brings. 

And couldn't our society use a little more peace?

The author draws a correlation between the dropping birth rate, and the spike in anxiety, depression and mental illness in our world. She points to an almost perfectly inverse relationship between birth rate and these issues. Does correlation equal causation - certainly not for sure, and there are likely many factors contributing to what feels like the craziest time in history... but it does make you wonder? Maybe the rise of social media has a lot to do with anxious teenagers, but would they be as anxious if there were more siblings to rock?

What I know for sure is that feeling I get when I embrace one of my children. If I focus, I can feel the endorphins flow through my veins. I've gotten lost in those hugs. In a world so full of chaos, angst, drama and filth - I feel blessed to have a house brimming with the soul cleansing innocence and joy of a child. 

As Christopher Walken put it best... "I've got a fever. And the only prescription is more Bambien". 

Or something like that.