This Is Really Hard

This is Hard

Providing for and protecting a family of 15 isn't easy.

Like everything else that's worth it, it's hard. Really Hard.

It takes sacrifice, patience, perseverance and a solid sense of humor. 

Sacrifices comes in lots of different shapes and sizes when you're a dad to 13.

Finances

The first obvious one is the financial uncertainty it brings. I know I am not alone in this worry, because the most common question I receive upon hearing that I have 13 children, is likely the same thing you've been wondering this whole time - "What do you do for a living?!"

The answer is boring. I have a fairly normal corporate job. The job itself isn't easy, and it's definitely not a boring one, but it's far from glamourous or interesting to talk about. 

But when you are providing for 15 people, finances can really weigh on a man. My grocery bill would give anyone high blood pressure. But we've been blessed. If you want more details, DM me on the side and I am happy to walk you through it, but the gist is we've got faith that God will always provide for us... and He has. It doesn't come without sacrifice, and it's rarely pretty. But circumstances have been such that as our family grew, so did my paycheck. "How are you going to pay for college?!" My answer: I have no idea, but I know it will be fine. 

I've come to learn very practically that "God won't be outdone in generosity" is a very real thing. He reminds me almost daily. 

Time

The next big sacrifice comes in the form of time. If it took 100 hours to rotate around the sun, I still wouldn't be able to do all the things I'd like to do every day (hence why these blog posts are so infrequent). I've had to give up many a hobby in the pursuit of long nights at the office, kids activities and continuing to date my wife. But I haven't lost joy, I just shifted it.

Instead of the soccer field, I get my excitement from wrestling with the boys or building remote control airplanes. Instead of cigar nights with the boys, I sit around the firepit with my teenage girls. It doesn't look like the life I had in my 20's, and in a lot of ways it's not as "fun" as BurgerRama at the Riv... but it's definitely a lot more fulfilling. 

Peace

Another huge sacrifice has been peace and quiet. I'm an extrovert that likes alone time. Being with people is fun for me, but it's exhausting, so before I had kids, reading, writing and naps were a regular occurrence. 

Now, I've become so numb to the volume around here that it takes guests by surprise when they don't see Laura or I reacting to a screaming kid. "Oh that's just Fulton's angry cry, he'll stop as soon as his sister gives in to his latest terrorist demands.

But I don't think I'd like the alone time as much anymore. I've lived in this house for 5 years, and I've only been alone here one time - for about 5 minutes (Crazy stat right?!)

I hated it. I sat alone at the kitchen table just staring at my phone the whole time watching Laura on Life360. It felt weird. It felt icky.

When that door opened and those kids came screaming in... that's when I felt peace. Tastes change I guess. 

Why Sacrifice?

You ever wonder what the point of all this is? I know I think about this a lot. Why did God put me on this earth? What does He want from me? I've been blessed with so much, how do I use it to glorify Him? 

When I don't think about that question enough, that's when I get myself into trouble. It's easy to get goal oriented around the things of this world that are right in front of you. My bank account. My career. All the dreams that will have to wait another day. 

But I don't think that God put me on this planet to just be an awesome "VP of Client Services". When I die, I don't think that's how anyone will remember me. If I have to be remembered for a job I did, I hope it's something closer to Fogleberg's "Leader of the Band" than it is "Gordon Gekko".

I've come to realize that love isn't a feeling - it's communion. It's being one as a family. One as a husband and wife. Sacrifice is the glue that holds us all together. Selfishness is the blast that threatens to blow it all apart. 

Shot Clock

When I was a young dad, I looked at the sacrifices I was being called to make as a season in life that had an 18 year shot clock.

"Babe - in 18 years, we'll be free to travel!" 

"In 18 years, we'll finally be able to save some money!"

"In 18 years, we'll have peace!"

I don't do that anymore.

Laura and I are apparently really bad at boxing out. So, with a constantly resetting the shot clock of parenthood, I've been blessed to see things a little differently.

One day that shot clock will run out... and the last one will leave the nest. 

When that happens, I won't have the honor of pouring myself out for them anymore. Some guy or girl will likely take my place, God willing.

For now, I am grateful to be able to play my part.

When it's all said and done, my goal is to be that old stump in the woods that Shel Silverstein talks about. For now, I do my best remind myself daily of those famous words from Ferris Bueller:

 "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once and while, you could miss it".