An Ode to Moms

An Ode to Moms

Dear moms, 

You get one day a year?! This is one of the most criminal things about our society. If we paid you proper homage, Mom's would hold higher esteem than pro sports players and movie stars. 

You don't ask for the praise. You go about your daily sacrifices for their own sake, not for any recognition or appreciation. You grind. You toil. And we barely seem to take notice.

Well I notice. The following is my small attempt at giving you the appreciation you deserve. 

You Get No Credit

The real reason you go unnoticed is because we take you for granted. We'd rather extol things like career success, political power and even follower counts, over you. Being a mom in this day and age has become a second-rate occupation. It is the furthest thing from glamourous, and it certainly won't get you invited to Career day at your kid's school. If I ask a room full of 2nd graders "what do you want to be when you grow up?" sadly, one of the last thing you'd hear is "a mom".

But your sacrifice and love for your families is one of the most hidden beauties in this world. If life were a painting, people would understandably stare and be captivated by the story the brush strokes are trying to tell. But you are the canvas on which it is painted. The medium for which the story cannot be told without. The thing that makes this all possible. That holds this all together.  

Where would we be without our mothers? 

Nowhere! 

Literally, we wouldn't exist! 

If there were no Pro- football players, Sundays in the fall would be boring. If there were no movie stars, we'd have to go outside more. But if there were no mothers... There is no human race.

Your "yes" to having children was a selfless one. One that you knew would come with sleepless nights, dirty diapers, tantrums, timeouts and the inevitable evaporation of your free time. On behalf of your children and society - Thank You!

You're Selfless

My son and I were sitting on the deck the other day and he asked me "Dad, how do I make sure I pick the right girl to marry?" (I know, super cool question to get from your son). I didn't hesitate with my answer - "Marry a woman who will be a great mother". 

His response teed me up perfect for the point I wanted to make - "I get that raising our kids is super important, but how do I know she'll be a good wife?"

My answer to follow surprised him - but I could see the light bulb go off. "The thing that makes her a really good mom, is the same thing that will make her a really good wife. She'll be selfless." 

We went down that path for a little while and I gave him a few examples, then asked him about his Mom. It went something like this.

"Do you have a good mom?" "Of course" he said. "The best". 

"What makes her such a good mom?" I asked

"She loves us". 

"How do you know she loves you?"

"Cause she's always taking care of us, and doing stuff for us". 

"Exactly, and can you give me one example of a time you saw your mom do something for herself?"

He stared blankly back at me. No answer. 

I explained to him that I can be pretty selfish at times and then pointed out more than a few selfish things that he's done, but neither of us could come up with a time we had seen Laura do something selfish. Not even once. 

"That's the kind of woman you want to marry." I concluded. 

Great mothers are great wives, because they don't possess the capacity for selfishness, and selfishness is the purest form of poison for any marriage.

We Don't Deserve You

Last week our house got the stomach flu. This is no small thing at the Esshaki house as you can imagine. One of our boys got it early and we realized our attempts at quarantining had failed when I got sick, rendering me pretty useless in this battle. Laura was forced to take up arms on her own.

That night, while I was laying in bed in misery I was awakened by the sound of the shower. It was 2:30 AM. 

When Laura came back to bed I asked why she was in the shower. "Fulton puked in my face...sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up.. go back to bed, get some rest". 

Laura is in her 2nd trimester... for our 13th baby... Let that sink in for a second.  I have 1,000 of those stories.

Then there's my own mother. When I was 13 years old my dad was diagnosed with Guillain–Barré syndrome which left him bedridden for months. The family businesses, left rudderless, failed quickly. No household income, 3 kids and a husband who suddenly couldn't walk. Did my mom crumble? 

Nope. Mom's don't crumble - even when the world around them does. 

She walked into my room and said "You want to come with me? I'm going to go find a job." With just a high school education and not much relevant experience her options were limited as we got in the car. She had no idea where we were going. We ended up at a Rams Horn on Woodward, 2 doors down from an Art Van furniture. "Let's try that. Your aunt works at Art Van and she does well". 

Art Van?! I thought. You don't know anything about furniture. And you've never sold anything in your life?!

When we got to the top of the escalators we were greeted by a salesperson. "Can I help you find anything today?"

"Are you hiring?" My mom asked. "We're always looking for good people, follow me". 

Over the next 2 hours I tested out every massage chair in the place while waiting for my mom to get done with I could only imagine was a series of interviews at this point. When she finally emerged from the back offices, she interrupted my massage and gave me a huge bear hug - "I got the job!". 

She worked there for 10 years until my dad passed away. She kept a roof over our head and food on the table. She put me and my brother through private high school. She worked 60+ hours a week on her feet and became one of the best salespeople in the company.  She didn't do it for recognition. She didn't do it for the prestige or the accolades. She did it out of love for us. She saved us.

A mom's love is unmatched. We can't match it or replicate it. I'd hate to live without it. We don't deserve you, but I'm sure glad we've got you. 

They Tell You You're Not Important

When we go to a party or event and meet a new group of people, I know that Laura is slightly uncomfortable in those settings because inevitably people will ask "so, what do you do?" and Laura will respond "I'm a stay at home mom". 

What follows isn't a rude response by any means, but there is definitely a lack of interest in any follow up, especially compared to the teacher, lawyer, nurse or businesswomen in the group. When those women announce their profession, there is excitement that leads to further conversations. For Laura, she gets a polite smile and something along the lines of an exaggerated "Oh! That's so wonderful!"

To no one's fault, Laura is left with a feeling of being judged as less than in those situations.

• Less than these other women who have accomplished so much in their careers. 
• Contributing less than she should to society or to the economic stability of our home. 
• Fulfilling less than her full potential. 

These are the fears that our world plants in women early. 

Being just a mom is portrayed as a waste and an affront to the real mark you otherwise could have left on this world with your educational and professional prowess. That's the gist of it anyways. 

But as a husband to one of the greatest women who walks the planet, I can tell you that she's anything but less than. 

JUST a mom?!? That may be how the world sees her, but not me. I see her, and all mothers who love and embrace their motherhood (something you can do while working as well) as the centerpiece that all societies have been built around for all of human history. 

Somehow Laura always knew this. She knew the importance of motherhood and made it her life's mission. There's a reason I trust Laura's intuition more than my own. 

She gave up the potential honor from strangers at cocktail parties and exchanged it for diapers, 2:00 AM vomit clean up, and the admiration of her husband and her children. She gives and gives and gives and gives, and asks for nothing in return. Like Christ crucified, she gives of herself for the sake of her beloved, and in the process... She saves us. Her sacrifice is love itself. And it fills our home in only the way a mothers love can. 

Today we are all grateful for your yes to being a mom. 

Thank you, moms! 

We wouldn't be here without you!